Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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