3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
