Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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