What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
