Got a toothbrush?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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