If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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