Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
