Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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