??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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