its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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