i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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