I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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