yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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