Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
