You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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