the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
