I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
