I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
