sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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