I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
