He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there was a trapeze. enough said
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
