hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
