Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
