i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
