Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
