Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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