it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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