My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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