i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
