remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
