it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
