and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
