you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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