I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
