wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
