Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
