Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
