Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
