You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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