God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
