No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
