Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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