So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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