Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
