It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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