You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
