why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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