I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
