It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
