well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
