i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
